Anxiety

It is exactly a month away from my departure date to Indonesia. Lots of thoughts, feelings and emotions crowding up my mind and heart these days. In May and June, I felt like I am in a swing, where I get excited about moving at one time and feel depressed about leaving at another time. These days, those emotions change very rapidly like a roller coaster. But thanks be to God who keep me sane and grounded through the love of so many friends around me. God is so good and faithful!

One of the things that overwhelms me big time is packing. Clutter is very natural to me - to get organized for daily living is already hard for me. I actually have my peace with being an organized clutter (my stuffs can look messy, but I can always pull them out when I need it). In fact, I would always have trouble finding the stuffs I need when I tidied up my space. Needless to say more, packing up thirteen years of life into two suitcases is an extreme challenge for me. 

I've spend so many unproductive hours fretting and confused on where to start - to the point of paralysis. I came to realization that I need help - lots of it. As always, my mom comes to my rescue. 

Mom and Dad at Bryce Canyon National Park

Growing up, my dad is always the one who eager to pamper me and my siblings. He doesn't speak much, but he always know the things we enjoy most and would present it to us without being asked. He is quick to give little "pick me up"s.

My mom, however, being a stay home mom, is not so easily manipulated by our words. When we say we are tired and rather procrastinate, do things later, etc - she won't back down on that! I always recognize her love as being a tough one. 

So last night when we talked on the phone, my mom asked me what am I worrying about? Am I not secured in my decision of moving? Why can't I start packing? No words come out from me as she ask these questions. I suddenly don't remember why I am so lost in thoughts that I cannot do the things I need to do. This morning, I am reminded to "do the next thing". 

1 Peter 5:7New International Version (NIV)

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Half Dome Hike

The heavens declare the glory of God;
    the skies proclaim the work of his hands  ~ Psalm 19:1

My friends and I attempted to hike the famous Yosemite Half Dome this past weekend. It is one of the most beautiful and popular hike, that the National Park Service has to issue permit on lottery system to limit the traffic. 

Last year, my brother got in for July the 4th weekend, but our group ended up not going because of bad weather. This year, I was the one who got the lottery and the weather is absolutely perfect for the hike. 

We started driving to Yosemite around 10 pm at night. We arrived around 2.30 am and started walking in the dark using flashlight. The dawn breaks at around 5.30 am when we are just past Nevada falls. We reached the bottom of the dome around 9.45 am. 

The dome

For me, the cable is the scariest part of the trip. The rock was so steep, my foot don't always have a good footage to support my weight and to lift it up. That means my arms has to do most of the work pulling my body up, which I am not very used to. There's about three steps from each bar, some of the bars are easier than others. I really have to learn to do in one bar at a time, be patient and take my time. 

On top of the dome

Look how small I am compare to the vast valley. I don't know what to feel once I reached the top. Maybe because it was so tiring climbing the dome. I thought I would be overwhelmed with emotions, but truth is, I was very sober. I am very grateful that I made it safely to the top, but that was it. 

Honestly, the part I enjoyed the most was the journey itself, not necessarily the top of mountain experience. I enjoyed walking in the dark, where I can only see a couple feet down the road at a time, while hearing the sound of waterfalls. I enjoyed seeing the breaking of the dawn, when the sky slowly brightens up and change colors. I enjoyed hearing the birds singing in the morning. I remember telling myself over and over again, one step at a time. 

I am humbled to be reminded to enjoy the little things on the journey in life, not to rush to certain destination, which I've been doing these days. There are thoughts like, "If only I reached this or accomplished that", yet once I reached those points, it wasn't what I expected them to be and I completely missed the lessons God has for me in the mundane and dailiness of life. 

Right before I left for Half Dome, I started my own hymn book, recording hymns that blessed my heart and helped me along the journey when life seems hard. This is the hymn that's been playing in my head as I walk each step to the top of the mountain (and as my feet were cramping in the middle of climbing that cable!) O how sweet indeed to walk in this pilgrim way, while leaning on His everlasting arms that keeps me safe and secure from all alarms =)

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
O how bright the path grows from day to day,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.